these 5 letters are on my mind always.maybe it is really time for me to get these 5 letters as i am not who i used to be anymore. i barely know who i am now. the change this transition into a new me, its like going through puberty once more. i am confused to who i am and what i should be like. i know there is no model answer and the perfect type but the changes in me is bewildering. my friends keeps reminding me that i am not who i used to be. i have changed and the old me would have done things differently. i am unsure if it were for the better or worst but maybe the 5 letters will give me the clue or knock on the head that i need.

3 words. these words are at the tip of my mouth. i can spout it anytime i want but i stopped doing so. the old me would have done it without batting my eyelid at all but the new me keeps procrastinating and trying to perceive whats going to happen if i were to do so. thinking, that is what i do most of the time. let it go? follow the flow? i can do that but what will happen next makes me change my mind and makes me think again. maybe there is such thing as thinking to much, but going with my heart or doing what my instinct tells me to do, its just not me.

is it me? or maybe everyone does the same too. i wonder. whats done is already done. i cannot take back my actions but what i can do, to make a better future. lets just see how things work out. like a fool i am, i am waiting, will you hug me before you leave me forever?

hmmmmm.

lets move on to today’s topic, ITCH. you guys may be wondering why in the world i would be talking bout an itch but it is not the simple body itch from rashes or mosquito bites but and itch more like a person. i was talking (“bitching”) to my friend and i just started comparing people to itch. i came up with a list of different type of itch and i dunno i just find it suitable. i have included the whole list below and read if you guys want but you can ignore it as i dun really care.

anyway that is all for today will give more updates when i can…tooddles <3

ITCH types:

1) annoying itch- this is the one for people who just annoys you but will stop when you do something bout it. like when u scratch the itch it will feel better.

2) recurring annoying itch- about the same as the first one but it is meant for those who continues to annoy you even though you told it to stop.

3)pleasurable itch- this is for friends or people i like as those itch are the one you will scratch and get pleasure from. so these people are those that i go to talk/bitch to.

4)THE ITCH!!!- this is the last type of itch. you would not want to be in this category cos its not a good one. it is reserved for people who i like but just give me reasons not to even petty ones.

lols thats my itch segment, dun ponder too long bout it as its just a random though/idea of mine that i came up with after 5 minutes of ranting…don’t ask me which itch u are cos if you do you will be considered number 1 itch unless you continue to pester me than u will be numre 2

anw my leg is injured once again due to unknown reason and its hurting badly, lets hope we can fast forward to my appointment date so that i can find out what is really wrong and hopes for a better tmr. i always wondered why does it have to be me that this kind of things happened. not trying to make it seems that i am self-centered or selfish but this is my opinion. if only you know what i have been through, than maybe you can see what i am seeing now. from young i wasn’t born perfectly healthy and i grew up weak and troubles comes one after another. this is gods way of testing me, cos he knows that his subject is strong enough to overcome all obstacles there is but an inkling of me just wished that i could have a break. just a short break and than i will be ready once again to move forward stronger. haha…ameeen. hope its alright and i grew up strong and be someone i can be proud of. hehe..

anw here is lyrics to a song..part of it since  feel that this part really, really, really…i dunno just clicked? you guys decide but i just feel right and sad whenever i read it…

That man is very shy
So he learned how to laugh
There is so much that can’t be said even amongst close friends
That man’s heart is full of scars

So that man
Loved you because you were the same
Just another fool
Just another fool
Is it wrong to ask you to hold me once before you leave?
I want to be loved..its true

hold me once before you leave? hearing this just..lets just move on to the next chapter shall we…goodnight all…

Moving on to the topic today is PARANOID BITCHES. LOL…like the saying goes reap what you sow…you bitch bout others please expect a full bitching session bout you behind your back. come on la…lets get the facts right, who in the world never bitches at all..unless you are a saint or mother theresa herself please don’t act all goodie-goodie and say you are innocent. at least once in your life you had to bitch bout someone right!!

but being the bitch i am…as many of you would have known…i always get this feeling that someone else is bitching about me. thus the title paranoid bitches. you know always getting this tingling feeling crawling down you back? i get that alot when people look at me weirdly or when i read other peoples facebook or twitter statuses. i know all of you may be thinking that i am just thinking too much thus the word paranoid. you know some statuses will go like this: eg.-that idiot is doing it again, i hate working with him. than i will get this feeling of BITCH you better not be talking bout me or even worst when ppl says: bloody fuck is puring fuel into the fire..it makes me think am i the one ruining or adding more troubles to other peoples’ problem? how can i overcome this paranoia thingy whatever you call it. and please don’t give me advice bout this it is a rhetorical question and for those who wanna be saint and say something like you should keep you heart pure or peace than your mind will be peaceful…save it for oprah. dun need that load of bulcrap and ur advice sucks. PERIOD.

that is all folks bout me ranting…so if you guys have twitter accounts and always speak in code..do know that i will be watching and bitching bout you cos i am paranoid and think that you are talking bout me…so looooong bitches..i will update tmr. hahaha i know its weird that i am updating a lot but my therapist said that i should write to release all the pent up emotions i have. please comment if you want ok cos i love you guys and you guys love me too don’t deny it cos if you dont love me you wouldn’t be reading this blog. toodles…

on a different note, attachment starts once again. it is just the first day and i already wanted it to end. the routine repeats the cycle continues..is this what it is going to be like when i finished studying? am i loosing the passion or interest that i once held or maybe i am regretting my decision once again for not appealing. but lets face the facts, not everyone can get what their dreams really are, some just get on with life and hope for the best. what i think we can do now is move forward and to catch the chance once the windows is open. you can’t just continue bulldozing through all the obstacles, you will end up being tired and may just loose your dreams. lets rest for a moment and continue paving our way when we are truly ready.

sounds depressing my thought eh..but what to do, maybe i am just missing my friends. yups i need a hug badly…a really tight one. lets wake up tomorrow and hope for another day.