THE BIG B

_ _ _ _ _

these 5 letters are on my mind always.maybe it is really time for me to get these 5 letters as i am not who i used to be anymore. i barely know who i am now. the change this transition into a new me, its like going through puberty once more. i am confused to who i am and what i should be like. i know there is no model answer and the perfect type but the changes in me is bewildering. my friends keeps reminding me that i am not who i used to be. i have changed and the old me would have done things differently. i am unsure if it were for the better or worst but maybe the 5 letters will give me the clue or knock on the head that i need.

3 words. these words are at the tip of my mouth. i can spout it anytime i want but i stopped doing so. the old me would have done it without batting my eyelid at all but the new me keeps procrastinating and trying to perceive whats going to happen if i were to do so. thinking, that is what i do most of the time. let it go? follow the flow? i can do that but what will happen next makes me change my mind and makes me think again. maybe there is such thing as thinking to much, but going with my heart or doing what my instinct tells me to do, its just not me.

is it me? or maybe everyone does the same too. i wonder. whats done is already done. i cannot take back my actions but what i can do, to make a better future. lets just see how things work out. like a fool i am, i am waiting, will you hug me before you leave me forever?

hmmmmm.

ITCH!!

hey guys, been long since i updated but its all due to the freaking attachment at CDC..been giving me leg pains and fatigue by me not doing anything…haha.i cannot imagine myself being a nurse, i bet i will need off days every shift due to being shagged like hell hahaha..really a big salute to all nurses who survived this far. as for attachment in general…you guys know the confidentiality shit make me unable to tell you guys more about it but what i can tell you is i am glad today will be my last official day like finally!! been waiting for so long…i know there is nothing to look forward to especially with just a mere 2week break but lets not whine and bitch bout that as i rather be in school than being on attachment for now..just imagine PRCP i may just crumble and cry every single day ahhaha..

lets move on to today’s topic, ITCH. you guys may be wondering why in the world i would be talking bout an itch but it is not the simple body itch from rashes or mosquito bites but and itch more like a person. i was talking (“bitching”) to my friend and i just started comparing people to itch. i came up with a list of different type of itch and i dunno i just find it suitable. i have included the whole list below and read if you guys want but you can ignore it as i dun really care.

anyway that is all for today will give more updates when i can…tooddles <3

ITCH types:

1) annoying itch- this is the one for people who just annoys you but will stop when you do something bout it. like when u scratch the itch it will feel better.

2) recurring annoying itch- about the same as the first one but it is meant for those who continues to annoy you even though you told it to stop.

3)pleasurable itch- this is for friends or people i like as those itch are the one you will scratch and get pleasure from. so these people are those that i go to talk/bitch to.

4)THE ITCH!!!- this is the last type of itch. you would not want to be in this category cos its not a good one. it is reserved for people who i like but just give me reasons not to even petty ones.

lols thats my itch segment, dun ponder too long bout it as its just a random though/idea of mine that i came up with after 5 minutes of ranting…don’t ask me which itch u are cos if you do you will be considered number 1 itch unless you continue to pester me than u will be numre 2

sick…

completed my first week of attachment successfully without any major problems caused by me…thank god but from the gossips i managed to hear at the nurses counter (youuknowmeisverykepo), there is gonna be alot of work for us next week due to a certain someone-not-to-be-named hahahhaa. sounds so mysterious right but lets hope everything goes alright and the next 2 weeks breeze through with no hiccups. friday was ok except we have to attend a lecture at the last hour so me being me nearly ended up sleeping but i managed to stay awake thru the tough times..hahaha..

anw my leg is injured once again due to unknown reason and its hurting badly, lets hope we can fast forward to my appointment date so that i can find out what is really wrong and hopes for a better tmr. i always wondered why does it have to be me that this kind of things happened. not trying to make it seems that i am self-centered or selfish but this is my opinion. if only you know what i have been through, than maybe you can see what i am seeing now. from young i wasn’t born perfectly healthy and i grew up weak and troubles comes one after another. this is gods way of testing me, cos he knows that his subject is strong enough to overcome all obstacles there is but an inkling of me just wished that i could have a break. just a short break and than i will be ready once again to move forward stronger. haha…ameeen. hope its alright and i grew up strong and be someone i can be proud of. hehe..

anw here is lyrics to a song..part of it since  feel that this part really, really, really…i dunno just clicked? you guys decide but i just feel right and sad whenever i read it…

That man is very shy
So he learned how to laugh
There is so much that can’t be said even amongst close friends
That man’s heart is full of scars

So that man
Loved you because you were the same
Just another fool
Just another fool
Is it wrong to ask you to hold me once before you leave?
I want to be loved..its true

hold me once before you leave? hearing this just..lets just move on to the next chapter shall we…goodnight all…

quickie…

LOLs…sounded so kinky right the post but here is just a quick update..i did not managed to post anything yesterday due to being tired and dun wanna make myself more fked as the next day is morning shift. so the transition always suck but yay i survived..however i was a little mean to my other friends but what to do…just venting abit haha..it was oke yesterday and today as did nothing much except the usual routine.. i would love to complain alot more about what happened toaday as in thursday but due to confidentiality issues and wanna avoid being checked by the lecturers/nurses, i will avoid doing so. just to summarise the day, it could have been matter but the learning experience is worthwhile. so long than will give a longer update tmr…now off to sleep toodles beeyoth..!!

Paranoid bitches on alert….

hey yalls once again…before i start on my actual post for today here is an update of my daily life aka no life aka attachment. LOL…i am lame i know but do bear with it since you guys bothered to come here and read about my life…get it stories of my life hahaha…ok moving on so that i dun sound like some fuck up guy high on crack, attachment today was not as bad as i expected. afternoon shift is quite fun actually as we got a number of things that we can do and of course the amount of time we get to chat around and talk I LOOOOVEEE it hahaha…lets just hope tmr will be a good day too but what i am really not looking out for is the freaking transition between afternoon shift to morning shift…HATEEEE it lol but what to do this i slife of a nursing student.

Moving on to the topic today is PARANOID BITCHES. LOL…like the saying goes reap what you sow…you bitch bout others please expect a full bitching session bout you behind your back. come on la…lets get the facts right, who in the world never bitches at all..unless you are a saint or mother theresa herself please don’t act all goodie-goodie and say you are innocent. at least once in your life you had to bitch bout someone right!!

but being the bitch i am…as many of you would have known…i always get this feeling that someone else is bitching about me. thus the title paranoid bitches. you know always getting this tingling feeling crawling down you back? i get that alot when people look at me weirdly or when i read other peoples facebook or twitter statuses. i know all of you may be thinking that i am just thinking too much thus the word paranoid. you know some statuses will go like this: eg.-that idiot is doing it again, i hate working with him. than i will get this feeling of BITCH you better not be talking bout me or even worst when ppl says: bloody fuck is puring fuel into the fire..it makes me think am i the one ruining or adding more troubles to other peoples’ problem? how can i overcome this paranoia thingy whatever you call it. and please don’t give me advice bout this it is a rhetorical question and for those who wanna be saint and say something like you should keep you heart pure or peace than your mind will be peaceful…save it for oprah. dun need that load of bulcrap and ur advice sucks. PERIOD.

that is all folks bout me ranting…so if you guys have twitter accounts and always speak in code..do know that i will be watching and bitching bout you cos i am paranoid and think that you are talking bout me…so looooong bitches..i will update tmr. hahaha i know its weird that i am updating a lot but my therapist said that i should write to release all the pent up emotions i have. please comment if you want ok cos i love you guys and you guys love me too don’t deny it cos if you dont love me you wouldn’t be reading this blog. toodles…

life continues…

my last post was like last year…look at how fast time flies. if i were to look back at how much i have achieved so far, all i could say was this and that. but what do ‘this and that’ actually means. but who cares right. we are still young and have the time to still do what we want. but the burning question is, would time wait for us or do we still have time. i had this conversation with my dear friend and what she say truly affect me. “none of us changed since secondary school” it makes me think, did we stay stagnant or did we change but no one notices. the simplest quirks or habits gone, the smirk you used to give me the wrinkles and laugh lines appearing on your face. the way you hugged me or the way your smile makes me smile. it seems like it never change but it actually did. maybe i am just delusional, or maybe i am just holding on the the past. ‘your not in love with me, but your just in love with being with someone like me.’ am i going to be the last one to know once again or is it a story which only i don’t know. you decide and tell me.

on a different note, attachment starts once again. it is just the first day and i already wanted it to end. the routine repeats the cycle continues..is this what it is going to be like when i finished studying? am i loosing the passion or interest that i once held or maybe i am regretting my decision once again for not appealing. but lets face the facts, not everyone can get what their dreams really are, some just get on with life and hope for the best. what i think we can do now is move forward and to catch the chance once the windows is open. you can’t just continue bulldozing through all the obstacles, you will end up being tired and may just loose your dreams. lets rest for a moment and continue paving our way when we are truly ready.

sounds depressing my thought eh..but what to do, maybe i am just missing my friends. yups i need a hug badly…a really tight one. lets wake up tomorrow and hope for another day.

haiz….

been like forever since i updated kekeke

just too busy with  attachment and things…

what to do, i injured my leg and have to do make-up for 1 whole freaking week…

ended up having to do it with a bunch of year 1s…

lets not comment on that shall we…hehehe…wanna know?? ask me hehe…

lets not even start on the semestral exams ok…

one word: DISASTROUS.

maybe i should have studied more and put a it more effort…

no point in regretting now…whats done is done…

haiz….supp paper here i come…

moving on…fasting month is finally over!!

like finally la…i mean it is so draggggy this year and it is finally done…

the waking up in the morning at odd hours and furthermore having to eat in the morning…i am sure i am fatter instead of thinner…

FAT FAT FAT….i feel fat i am fat i love fat

hahahaha….I AM FAT SO WHAT!!!

you not happy later i slam you down and you will die under my weight AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

ok so the first day of raya and even though it have not really kick off yet it started with a flood…

hahaha…for those who do not understand, it means crying…hahaha

yea yea yea….i am havily sin and full of guilt and asking for forgiveness is the worst part of raya…

but wad to do…tradition is tradition…anyway i can clean myself from all the sins hehehee…

ok will update on raya stuffs soon…haiz….i need a life

anyway..attachment starts next week…haiz…those who do not have them do not rub it in my face..hahaha

i mean it could be fun or it could be hell lets just see ok…will try to update more often..not as if anyone reads it anyway hahaha..

tata people…selamat hari raya to all muslims and those who are not…enjoy  the loooooong weekend ok…

HELL WEEK PART 1

okay people…we are half-way through hell week…JIAYOU..

so skills lab was okay managed to pass at least…YAY-ME..

but the bomb will drop on FRIDAY…hahhaha

we will be having STATS test in the morning followed by RESEARCH METHOD test in the evening…

GREAT OR WAD!!!

but lets think positive…one more week to go…

things coming up:

Stats Test

Research Method Test

Psycho Presentation

Bio Lab Practical

SOCIO TEST!!!

that is what my week will be like for next week…

and to think nxt week is supposed to be last week before the short break..

more like giving poison before the antidote…

hahaha…

ok will try and update soon…so tata~

my point exactly…

so many other people share my sentiments exactly….

so i dont feel that guilty anymore…

i used to think like i am evil for doing this and that…

but since more people feels the same way,

i dont really care anymore…

anyway hell week just started…and i hope it just ends like now…

haha…fat hopes right….

let me introduce u guys my hell week schedule:

tuesday: Skill Test…

thursday: Research method test ( i slept in this class all the time)

friday: Stats test (another class i dont pay attention in)

next week i got bio lab test and socio test…ayoyo…so many test

give me a break…

a yes is till a yes…so i will be waiting for the marriage hehehe…

ok la got to go..in school now…tata…

p.s. i feel like pushing now…

The EYE….

haha another person commented about me giving the look….

i dont really get it actually…what is this look that you all are talking about…

how i wish someone can like capture it on video or camera or something…

hahahaha…it also happens that this look can mean alot of things and diffrent look mean diffrent things..

kekeke…ok la lets move on to life…

so far i have 2 long weekend and this week is going to be another long weekend..

the reason is because i am sick for the past two weeks…and both is on friday, thus the long weekend…

but the bad thing is that my attendance is not looking so good…haiz…lets just hope i do not get debarred ok..

ICAs, Tests and attachment is coming one after another…the only perk me up is class outing and camp…

how i wish we were back in secondary school..the only worries are friends, cca and exams…

ironic is it not that when we were young growing up is all that we wanna do..but now that we are halfway there…

we wishes for time to stop and let us remain young longer..haha…

anyway someone is being so ‘er-hem’ nowadays…haha…you know what i mean kekeke…

lets just hope things go well for me ok…

some people just have no sense of shame dont they…

continue doing what other people despise and thinking nothing is wrong..

dont get me wrong…i am not trying to be petty or something..

but your actions disgust me…